Like a whole generation of students, I was introduced to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart when I was in college. It wasn’t long before my family caught on to my affinity for the news and political satire program, and pretty soon they gifted me America: The Book. Then came The Colbert Report, and it was all over. I’ve been a pretty faithful Stewart-Colbert watcher ever since. I even keep a copy of I Am America (And So Can You) in my car. You never can be too prepared, after all.

And the more I watch Stephen Colbert, the more I realize that the Black Hills are perfect for him. Here are the best five reasons – or at least the first five I thought up – that Stephen Colbert should love the Black Hills:

1. Mount Rushmore. The Black Hills have one of the highest concentrations of public parks, monuments and memorials in the world, including one of America’s most recognizable icons: Mount Rushmore National Memorial. The granite faces of these four great presidents even appear in the opening credits of The Colbert Report. What better symbol of freedom, democracy, lincolnishness, eneaglement, and – dare I say it – rushmorableness? Can you imagine an entire episode of The Colbert Report from the foot of The Shrine of Democracy? Maybe a short segment? Or at least a token montage? Stephen and the mountain were practically made for each other.
2. BEARS!!! (Blogger’s note: I spent some time deciding whether two exclamation points were suitable, or if three were justified. The answer was clear.) Actually, it’s the lack of bears I’m pushing here. Everyone who’s seen the Threat Down knows how bears are evil. Bears once lived in the Black Hills – there’s a pretty famous picture of George Armstrong Custer standing over a grizzly he shot during his 1874 Black Hills expedition – but the early settlers forced them out. Today, there are no permanent populations of bears in South Dakota. Except for maybe these.
3. Virtually Endless Naming Opportunities. Stephen Colbert, like any great red-blooded American, loves to have things named after him. Good news! There are practically an infinite number of things in the Black Hills waiting for Stephen’s moniker. Take, for instance, our two million acres of pine trees. If a ponderosa isn’t enduring enough, how about something in Custer State Park – maybe the Stephen T. Colbert Wildlife Loop? No? What about a giant concrete dinosaur?
4. The Center of the Nation. The geographic center of the United States of America is near Belle Fourche, on the northern slopes of the Black Hills. Clearly, Stephen is a man of the people, with his hand firmly on the pulse – nay, the very heart – of America. So why not visit the very literal symbol of the geographic heart of the country? Besides, it’ll make for a great photo op with the shiny new monument.
5. The American Military. Stephen, of course, is a proud supporter of America’s military. Ellsworth Air Force Base is just outside Rapid City, and the National Park Service has recently opened Minuteman Missile National Historic Site, which preserves and interprets the ballistic missile silos and control centers that were aimed for decades at the Soviet Union. I smell another photo op!

Of course, there are plenty of other reasons. Any members of Colbert Nation are welcome to add to my list.